If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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