I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
