Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
