Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
