I wanna passion pit in your ass
you would pick up someone in the library
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
