I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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