For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
