I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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