I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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