Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
