My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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