So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And then he peed in my hair
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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