my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
