Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
