my phone needs a breathalizer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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