I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
