I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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