Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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