I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
