You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
