Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
