Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
