Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just pee around me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
