im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
