it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize