So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
