exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
