The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
