Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
