you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
