I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
