maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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