i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
