they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
