am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
