Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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