Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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