Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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