i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
