Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
