the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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