wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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