either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
