just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
