When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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