I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
