just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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