it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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