$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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