D3 body, D1 cock
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
