Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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