i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
