that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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