when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
