Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
