there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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