I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
