Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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