Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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