He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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