It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
