I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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