even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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