Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
