Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
