It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my liver is dry heaving
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
