I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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